he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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