I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You've changed since you got that strap on
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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