So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
