How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The uberlube is also flammable
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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