Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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