the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
