Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
