apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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