i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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