Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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