just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize