how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
