you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
