Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
