Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
