Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."