Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon

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  (310): im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon http://tfl.nu/qfy4
  Replies (21) Good night (618) Bad night (1521)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.

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  (785): Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here. http://tfl.nu/9zh4
  Replies (26) Good night (3659) Bad night (747)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.

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  (305): Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere. http://tfl.nu/rhba
  Replies (22) Good night (1247) Bad night (6692)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.

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  (205): we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit. http://tfl.nu/3r6b
  Replies (14) Good night (4934) Bad night (646)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps

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  (757): I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps http://tfl.nu/vrde
  Replies (4) Good night (3023) Bad night (1088)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.

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  (720): Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head. http://tfl.nu/67uq
  Replies (5) Good night (2800) Bad night (1931)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?

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  (575): So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation? http://tfl.nu/oofw
  Replies (17) Good night (5761) Bad night (944)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.

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  (314): On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner. http://tfl.nu/glyx
  Replies (4) Good night (2106) Bad night (644)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.

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  (720): Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game. http://tfl.nu/5fqu
  Replies (7) Good night (2211) Bad night (1503)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.

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  (816): Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink. http://tfl.nu/iqnv
  Replies (3) Good night (2294) Bad night (889)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.

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  (503): I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else. http://tfl.nu/cpkz
  Replies (11) Good night (3499) Bad night (611)
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  (415): View more from California

  Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.

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  (415): Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups. http://tfl.nu/od5l
  Replies (12) Good night (2256) Bad night (488)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.

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  (720): She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that. http://tfl.nu/2gzq
  Replies (15) Good night (457) Bad night (1592)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing

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  (309): adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing http://tfl.nu/dxv4
  Replies (5) Good night (895) Bad night (465)
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  (516): View more from New York

  She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...

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  (516): She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird... http://tfl.nu/escp
  Replies (4) Good night (569) Bad night (323)

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