3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
