when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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