i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.