i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.