Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Damn victory sex feels great