Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.