Texts From Last Night

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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet

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  (781): Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet http://tfl.nu/haby
  Replies (4) Good night (644) Bad night (2754)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...

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  (802): good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy... http://tfl.nu/0srz
  Replies (14) Good night (825) Bad night (2615)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.

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  (812): She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used. http://tfl.nu/jpfz
  Replies (55) Good night (13411) Bad night (1052)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"

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  (973): Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them" http://tfl.nu/9mkz
  Replies (3) Good night (2802) Bad night (847)
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  (714): View more from California

  I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.

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  (714): I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom. http://tfl.nu/8p10
  Replies (19) Good night (3887) Bad night (1615)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...

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  (570): He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on... http://tfl.nu/xr5e
  Replies (12) Good night (2386) Bad night (1113)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.

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  (360): Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover. http://tfl.nu/pu5x
  Replies (4) Good night (865) Bad night (1422)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.

  (407): View more from Florida

  yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.

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  (813): his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call. (407): yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/agts
  Replies (10) Good night (3111) Bad night (913)
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  (747): View more from California

  by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.

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  (747): by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party. http://tfl.nu/9v1z
  Replies (8) Good night (2091) Bad night (719)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.

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  (720): So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword. http://tfl.nu/ujgp
  Replies (15) Good night (1992) Bad night (596)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?

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  (314): Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him? http://tfl.nu/mvm1
  Replies (12) Good night (590) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.

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  (413): Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days. http://tfl.nu/0sic
  Replies (7) Good night (733) Bad night (601)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm

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  (314): Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm http://tfl.nu/kthz
  Replies (1) Good night (663) Bad night (298)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.

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  (970): Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/bzxi
  Replies (1) Good night (322) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?

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  (870): too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush. (870): Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman? http://tfl.nu/9w4v
  Replies (2) Good night (549) Bad night (243)

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