Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
