im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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