so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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