Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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