I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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