Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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