what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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