she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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