At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
