My boss' voice literally gives me gas
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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