Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize