I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
