Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
