she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
