Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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