i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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