Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
