if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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