Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
