Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
