Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
