Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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