I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
