The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
