I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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