i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
