need another drink. this is the easiest way
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
