i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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