This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
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WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
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I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.