Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex

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  (832): I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit (303): I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex http://tfl.nu/u4ul
  Replies (8) Good night (2556) Bad night (703)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota

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  (214): you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota http://tfl.nu/qqt8
  Replies (67) Good night (2123) Bad night (778)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?

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  (717): What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning? http://tfl.nu/h9gl
  Replies (35) Good night (804) Bad night (3313)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.

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  (412): woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered. http://tfl.nu/z2cy
  Replies (28) Good night (11050) Bad night (854)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room

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  (403): I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room http://tfl.nu/da0x
  Replies (156) Good night (5592) Bad night (807)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.

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  (617): Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning. http://tfl.nu/86da
  Replies (5) Good night (3182) Bad night (757)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.

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  (409): Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing. http://tfl.nu/yp46
  Replies (22) Good night (1806) Bad night (5209)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.

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  (417): As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits. http://tfl.nu/fap8
  Replies (17) Good night (948) Bad night (3010)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.

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  (303): My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume. http://tfl.nu/bk4q
  Replies (8) Good night (2808) Bad night (898)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.

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  (843): I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs. http://tfl.nu/k4hm
  Replies (11) Good night (1076) Bad night (1944)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway

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  (262): say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway http://tfl.nu/917j
  Replies (16) Good night (1275) Bad night (490)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.

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  (636): Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy. http://tfl.nu/5193
  Replies (3) Good night (961) Bad night (459)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.

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  (618): I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams. http://tfl.nu/aen5
  Replies (4) Good night (1541) Bad night (317)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home

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  (412): i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home http://tfl.nu/8rrw
  Replies (6) Good night (403) Bad night (349)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."

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  (717): He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night." http://tfl.nu/3ltw
  Replies (2) Good night (762) Bad night (248)

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