something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
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He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
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Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(