You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.