Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.

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  (650): I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke. http://tfl.nu/5x23
  Replies (7) Good night (1029) Bad night (670)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back

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  (920): dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back http://tfl.nu/zgqj
  Replies (32) Good night (785) Bad night (3215)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.

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  (704): It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States. http://tfl.nu/t1qp
  Replies (16) Good night (6526) Bad night (1028)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.

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  (816): I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted. http://tfl.nu/62u0
  Replies (2) Good night (3969) Bad night (761)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed

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  (828): i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed http://tfl.nu/hltv
  Replies (3) Good night (1526) Bad night (2302)
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  (212): View more from New York

  He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.

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  (212): He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend. http://tfl.nu/rr39
  Replies (9) Good night (1084) Bad night (2128)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.

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  (612): i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese. http://tfl.nu/swul
  Replies (4) Good night (1743) Bad night (612)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent

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  (+44): In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent http://tfl.nu/3kq5
  Replies (12) Good night (3801) Bad night (935)
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  (909): View more from California

  I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.

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  (909): I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic. http://tfl.nu/3gxu
  Replies (2) Good night (750) Bad night (1328)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe

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  (832): When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe http://tfl.nu/uvdo
  Replies (16) Good night (693) Bad night (3150)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.

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  (918): Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff. http://tfl.nu/mkr9
  Replies (10) Good night (1738) Bad night (536)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.

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  (774): We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot. http://tfl.nu/pm9n
  Replies (7) Good night (1864) Bad night (631)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.

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  (402): Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen. http://tfl.nu/czwa
  Replies (4) Good night (388) Bad night (942)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions

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  (307): When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions http://tfl.nu/bhkl
  Replies (1) Good night (563) Bad night (404)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?

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  (616): your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial? http://tfl.nu/h7zs
  Replies (1) Good night (458) Bad night (309)

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