Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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