Texts From Last Night

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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.

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  (608): No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat. http://tfl.nu/i15q
  Replies (14) Good night (3494) Bad night (833)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.

  (239): View more from Florida

  I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.

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  (239): I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning. (239): I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais. http://tfl.nu/n26p
  Replies (18) Good night (829) Bad night (1511)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete

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  (919): I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete http://tfl.nu/qit9
  Replies (18) Good night (4006) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you want to re-phrase that?

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  (857): I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner (617): you want to re-phrase that? http://tfl.nu/lax1
  Replies (11) Good night (3979) Bad night (1042)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.

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  (845): They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids. http://tfl.nu/mgv1
  Replies (48) Good night (1819) Bad night (5852)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly

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  (443): I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly http://tfl.nu/9fzw
  Replies (11) Good night (5840) Bad night (1433)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on

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  (210): i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on http://tfl.nu/7n7l
  Replies (9) Good night (2970) Bad night (1257)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.

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  (206): You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want. http://tfl.nu/h1r5
  Replies (5) Good night (703) Bad night (1491)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz

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  (310): Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz http://tfl.nu/s64c
  Replies (3) Good night (1053) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex

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  (508): This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex http://tfl.nu/5anx
  Replies (2) Good night (713) Bad night (395)
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.

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  (276): LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything. http://tfl.nu/o8kx
  Replies (1) Good night (688) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".

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  (440): My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted". http://tfl.nu/wdt8
  Replies (5) Good night (943) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)

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  (254): We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :) http://tfl.nu/s9j9
  Replies (8) Good night (815) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.

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  (720): You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night. http://tfl.nu/h9pj
  Replies (0) Good night (478) Bad night (212)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.

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  (716): I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call. http://tfl.nu/hqf7
  Replies (1) Good night (462) Bad night (155)

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