You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.