Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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