I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
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fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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