4 words: hood of his car
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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