i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
