Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize