Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
