wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
