I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
