I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
