I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
