OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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