also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
