There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
cat food counts as protein by the way
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize