I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
