Me. At least after what I've been through.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
