benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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