K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
