Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
