it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
