oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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