Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
