Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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