apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
