mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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