i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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