I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
