He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
